When it Rains it Pours

Silly pun-title.

This morning I took Zoey to her 4 month checkup (which went well, thank you very much). She had a couple immunizations, and although she did really well, I was looking forward to going home and snuggling with her and just taking it easy until class.

I walk in the door and hear a pitter-patter sound... like rain... in my apartment.

0.o

There's a waterfall in my hallway!!

Well, this is gonna be fun. As I abandon my crying child in her car seat, I run for a bucket and the biggest pan we own. I throw down every towel we have and then start trying to get stuff out of the way. By this time, Zoey is hysterical, so I'm trying to hold her with one arm and move furniture with the other. Huh-huh... yeah.

Apparently the upstairs neighbors have an ancient toilet. Yes, I said toilet. Well, said toilet clogged and wouldn't stop gushing. It took the husband coming home from work and taking a wrench to the water valve to get it to stop. I didn't get home until about an hour after that.

Several hours later, I am able to account for most of our possessions, and nothing is severely damaged (tender mercy if I ever saw one). The poor lady upstairs is in tears because she thinks we will hate her forever now-- and I don't-- and is worried sick that her (ahem) excrement has been poured all over our home--our new home.

Well, that's one way to make new friends. When I prayed to ask for help getting to know people in the neighborhood better, that is not what I had in mind. Very funny!

So, it looks like we're getting new carpet, new drywall and new paint. And Zoey will be sleeping in what's left of our room for a few days. I'm either exhausted beyond caring or I've gotten relatively over it pretty quick, because it's almost funny.

Almost.

Double-Take

Take a good look. On the left you see Zoey, about a week ago. On the right, Gavin when he was exactly the same age. Is it just me or do they look like brother and sister? I will no longer deliberate when people ask who Zoey looks more like. Ever since I saw this picture last night, there is no question about it. Sure, she has me in her eyes, maybe her ears and definitely her cheeks, but everything else is straight Gavin.

Except the hair-- that's all her own. :)

I know you're thinking it: What a beautiful family. Why thank you! I think so too.

Woopsie

So... I've been abusing this blog. It seems that I really just wanted to make a blog so that I could rant about whatever was on my mind at the moment, and I ended up making a family blog. Mistake. So, introducing a new blog: dani-rant.blogspot.com! Go there to get a piece of my mind. Go here to hear about our cute little family. That is all.

:D

A Little About Zoey

Alright, so I realize I haven't written about my baby on here for awhile, so here goes!

I spend all day every day with the cutest baby in the whole world. I know you think you're baby is cuter. That's allowed. :) Anyway, Zoey is now three months old (Three months!! Where has the time gone?) and she is growing so fast!

If you didn't already know , Zoey has a shock of very red hair that reminds me of (I know I'm a nerd) Lily Potter because it's not that bright orange color, but that beautiful dark copper red color and I love it! Everyone asks us where she got that from, since Gavin and I, for all intents and purposes, both have black hair. I'm always tempted to tell them, "Oh, she got it from her biological parents." to which the person would say, "Oh! Is she adopted?" and to which I would reply, "No".

Zoey has dark blue eyes, and at this point, I'm pretty convinced they will stay that color. They're about the color of denim and they light up when she hears her daddy's voice. She is shockingly average height and weight for her age (shocking considering the size of her parents), and her head just keeps on getting bigger and bigger. At her next appointment with the pediatrician, I wouldn't be surprised if they say that she has a large head for her age. I think it's adorable when babies and toddlers have an abnormally large head; don't ask me why.

Zoey can babble, sing, grasp things, recognize people, and almost sit up! But her very coolest skill: she sleeps through the night. Lately she's been doing 8 1/2 hour stretches at a time, followed by another 4 hours. It's awesome!! Oh, and in case that doesn't make you jealous enough, she has been doing it since she was 6 weeks old. :D She eats like a champ and loves to chew on her daddy's nose. I know you think it's gross, but it's not. It's hilarious.

We're working on tummy time because she doesn't like it and has a hard time keeping up that abnormally large head of hers. I look forward to when she can sit up in a high chair or her stroller, but we are enjoying every minute of her current stage too.

Well, there you have it!

A Good Move

Well, the time has come to give up our newlywed apartment and move on to... cheaper and smaller things! Although we could afford to continue to live in this beautiful neighborhood, we have been prompted (partly by God, partly by super-cheap rent) to move to Orem, where we will be closer to work, school and my mom, who babysits Zoey while I'm at school. This move will enable us to follow the prophet's counsel to get out of debt, as well as to save up for a house in the future.

As tempting as it is to jump on the bandwagon and take advantage of the low interest rates and buy a house that we can't afford, like so many of our peers, we've decided to wait it out and live humbly for a few more years. With frugality and the continued blessings of the law of tithing, we will be able to save up a nice down payment and reduce the debt we will incur of necessity for our own house.

I worry a little about how the move will affect Zoey, whether or not we will be able to feel as safe there, and all the hassle of moving during a school semester. But as always, I know that when we follow the promptings of the Lord, He will provide a way for things to work for our benefit. Isn't the gospel great?!

The Latest Slip-Up

I'll be the first to point out that I'm no fashionista. That said, there are some things that even I know about clothing dos and don'ts, and some of those things are neglected by the trendiest of dressers. The issue today: slips, or rather, the lack thereof.

So what is the purpose of a slip? As far as I know, there are two: One, to prevent a skirt from clinging to the butt and legs (not a flattering thing), and two, to keep your thighs and nethermost parts from being viewed by the general public through your skirt.

Here's the problem. So many of us women look in the mirror at home and when we don't see anything wrong, we go on our merry way, forgetting about things like sunshine and static electricity. The thing is, you won't even know your skirt is 80% see-through if you only see it in the mirror of your poorly lit bedroom, or similarly lit department store. And the fact is, most of us sit at some point or another, and usually on some kind of upholstery, and thereby attract a bit of static cling to many materials.

The sad part is that many women don't even understand the need for a slip, and are unlikely to own more than one fluke, which is crumpled and shoved to the very back of the underwear drawer. If this is you, you might consider pulling it out, and layering it under your lighter or flouncier skirts.

Yesterday on the way home from church the sun shone beautifully down on the neighborhood. It was a very picturesque view, until I realized that it was also lighting up every inch of the thighs of a woman walking in front of us. I had to tell my husband to redirect his eyes until she and her underwear were out of sight. Yikes. I'm sure if she had any idea just how exposed she was she would have been very embarrassed.

So get a spouse or friend to check for you after you are outside (unless you have really good lighting in your home) and keep those skirts where they're supposed to be, covering what they're supposed to cover. Other women's husbands don't need to see your thighs. Thanks. :)

No Worries

To illustrate the point I was trying to make in my last post, here's a video I saw today. Check it out. It was truly inspirational to me. Again, I stink at posting videos. Just click the link. Thanks! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciYk-UwqFKA

The Irony of Lack

Isn't it interesting how much you appreciate good health when you are sick?
You always seem to appreciate your job more after you've lost it.
People usually don't care much about money until things are tight.
A couple doesn't really understand how much they want children until they find they can't have any.
Sometimes you don't know how much you love a person until they are gone.
It seems the grass is greener on the other side, doesn't it...

Appreciate what you have now. If that doesn't come easily, just imagine life without it, and the gratitude will come.

We have more than we realize, and when we focus on what we lack, we miss out on the abundance that is ours.

Quote of the Day

"You are the navigator of your life. The choices you make determine the happiness you experience."
-Anonymous

Don't blame or give credit to others (including God) for the amount of happiness you have in your life. It's up to you.

Straight Up

Before I say anything else, let me first say that I have nothing against legitimately gay people. Those people have problems, just like anyone else, and I'm not about to judge someone because their weakness is different from mine. (I have a whole blurb about homosexuals and freedom of choice in a previous blog, if you wish I read it.)

That said, I am a bit concerned about a recent trend that seems to be cropping up amongst our teens. It looks like it's becoming cool to be homosexual or bisexual. Rebellious teenagers everywhere are "coming out of the closet" so to speak, and are getting a whole lot of attention from their peers, siblings and parents about it. It kind of makes me wonder... is that what they were going for in the first place?

I know a couple people who would be enraged if they read this, because they are in fact the subjects of my blog post. However, I truly believe that if they were to be completely honest with themselves, they would find that they are at best, confused.

In my opinion, a person is not homosexual simply because they are able to become aroused when they see someone of the same gender in skimpy clothing or in an otherwise suggestive situation. That is nothing more than the mind's ability to relate and to imagine. (I'm not saying that's acceptable; I'm saying it's natural.) So when a person experiences these feelings and goes running off to Facebook to tell everyone-- and proudly so-- that they are gay or lesbian or "bi", forgive me if I am a little more than skeptical.

Honestly, I really think that many (if not most) of these cases are attempts to gain attention, and sadly, it works. Really well. Not only do they get all the positive attention from their fellow wannabe gays, etc, but they get all the negative attention from their parents, leaders and many peers. Sadly, for many teens, attention, even if negative attention, is still attention. They're not afraid of walking on the edge for a bit of any kind of attention they can get, and that's kind of sad.

So the solution: pay better attention to the teenagers. I don't mean doting on them or spoiling them. I certainly don't mean encouraging their rebellious behavior. But I do mean, listen to them. Accept their personality and try to understand their wants and needs for what they really are. Love them for who they truly are beneath the thick facade. Not easy, I know. But it seems to me that if they felt enough love and notice and recognition from those closest to them, they wouldn't have to resort to drastic measures to get the attention they crave.

Watch This

http://lds.org/pages/expressions?lang=eng

Okay, so apparently I stink at creating video posts. Just click the link. :)

Warning: Potential TMI

So, you know that "mommy amnesia" that supposedly kicks in some time after you have a baby that makes you okay with having more babies in the future? I'm still waiting.

Six week checkup for me today... didn't go so well.
-Cystocele (meaning that my bladder isn't in the right position-- could mean incontinence in the future. Awesome.)
-Inflamed tissue around episiotomy; possible infection
-Hemorrhoid... apparently I'll be prone to those the rest of my life
-Almost void of internal muscle tone ('nuff said there)

Apparently I just heal slowly. *sigh I've got a lot of homework. Maybe I'll consider having kids again in like... ten years. After I forget all this stuff. :(

Be Nice!

A put-down can really hurt. A put-down from someone you love hurts much worse. A put down from someone you love, in the earshot of other people is the worst.

Before I move on, I just want to make a disclaimer: My husband never does that to me, and is perfect in that regard. (In other words, this is not a vent about him... that would be ludicrous in this context anyway.)

Criticism between husband and wife is important. As anyone who knows anything about relationships will tell you, communication is key. Communication isn't only about the nice stuff, and so that includes discussing the things that bother you (if indeed they need to be discussed) so that they can be sorted out and everyone can move on. However, there is a time, a place and a right way of working out problems with your spouse, and that is not in front of other people (be that physical or digital).

Constructive (and by that I mean effective) criticism is given

• In private
• A good while after the matter, when you've had a chance to cool down
• Accurately, and without exaggeration (leave out the words "always" and "never")
  
• Subjectively, and not accusingly
  
• Only when necessary
• Because you love the person, not out of spite, selfishness or pride
  
• Only once for a given issue. After it has been said once, it's your job to forget about it.
  

Doing otherwise will not only be extremely unlikely to solve the problem, but it may compound it, by introducing feelings of resentment, hurt feelings and a lack of trust. Not good. You'll find that if you follow the guidelines in the bullet points above, you will almost never criticize your spouse, and that's a good thing.

One more disclaimer. I am by no means implying that you simply bottle up the things that bother you and never say anything about them unless they happen to explode out of you. That is probably the worst thing you could possibly do with the issues you have with your spouse. What I am saying is that if it's not necessary for you to critique him or her, it's not necessary for you to dwell on it. It's not important, and you will be much happier if you just let it go.

It's a sad paradox that most people treat complete strangers better than their closest loved ones. Let's switch that around.

Cover 'Em Up

When I was in Young Women, I remember studying the standards in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet. They told us that we needed to learn the standards for dating early, and that if we made the decision young, it would be easy to choose when we were actually confronted with it later down the road. We were taught not to date until we were 16, and to not get too physically involved, etc, etc. Those are some choices that, if made in the moment, are difficult to do what's right. However, if made in advance, virtually no thought has to be put into it, and doing the right thing is almost easy.

Some may call me extreme, but when it comes to modesty, I believe in starting early. As in, the beginning. Since day one of my baby girl's life, she has been modest. Although it's summer and she has a lot of cute little sleeveless tops, I always put a onesie underneath and make sure she's covered up.

You may say that she won't even remember wearing this stuff, and surely it won't make a difference until later, but I say baloney. No, she won't remember it, but where do you draw the line? To me it's the same as the concept of modesty before entering the temple for the first time. It's no good to return from that first trip to the temple and have to clean out your wardrobe of all the stuff that's not up to par any more. In that same train of thought, when is it the "right" time to clean out your daughter's wardrobe? I say keep it clean from the start.

So many girls these days dress like they are trying to sell their bodies, and the saddest part is that it's at the encouragement of their own parents. (Hey, they don't buy that stuff themselves.) So, while they are young, and you can choose their clothing for them, choose modesty. A five year-old won't understand why it was okay to wear such-and-such last week, but now it isn't. Changing standards part-way through childhood really doesn't work. Be firm. Be consistent. Don't wait.

Live Now

I'm not a perfect person. I have my faults. I sometimes let the dishes stack up until the kitchen stinks. I sometimes say things I don't mean. I don't usually floss my teeth, and I don't say thank you enough to people. Still, there's one thing I feel I've got right:

I know how to live.

These days you can hardly turn on the radio without hearing some song about how life is to be lived to its fullest now, because you never know when it will end. Even in General Conference, President Monson encouraged us to live in the present, and to not wait until later to be happy. It's a common theme I've noticed over the past few years, and I've learned a lot from it.

I've learned to watch a good sunset all the way through. I've learned to sip my hot chocolate (never drink it) until it's gone. I've learned to listen to my husband's breathing as he sleeps by my side at night. I've learned to watch my baby's face for almost hours, taking in every expression. I've learned not to get too serious when I'm at church, but to enjoy all the little reminders around me of God's presence. I've learned not to be so absorbed in what I look like. I've learned to listen better. I've learned to love with all my heart. I've learned to live in the moment.

There's a big difference between living in the present and the "eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die" attitude. The difference is that when you live for now, you don't live with regrets later. You learn to take in life, whatever it is at the moment, and to enjoy it, learn from it, and take that part of life with you into tomorrow. You learn to reflect on what you have, and find the happiness in it, even during the rough times.

Like I said, I'm not perfect, and I'm still working on this, but it is one thing I feel strongly about. Life is to be lived, not endured. Find the joy in the simple, the every-day, the now, and you will always be happy inside.

Introducing: Zoey!

Zoey Jane Reed was born on Gavin's birthday, June 21st, at 12:26pm. She weighed 6 lbs 12 oz and was 19 inches long. She is perfectly healthy and we are perfectly happy!

Without boring you with all the details, I'll just breeze over the basics of the delivery. I went into active labor at around 5pm Monday night, and went to the hospital at 11:30. I labored naturally for seven more hours before reaching an 8+ and asking for an epidural. I was exhausted and didn't have the strength any more to relax through my contractions. Gavin was an awesome coach and helped me make it through the hardest parts. At 10am I began pushing. It was a slow process, and I was cut three times and ended up tearing anyway. Finally Zoey came, and I cannot describe to you the euphoria I experienced at that point. The mixture of pure happiness, exhaustion and relief were overwhelming, and I just sobbed as I held her in my arms for the first time. She is perfect.

Gavin got to help a lot. Not only did he help coach my breathing, but he helped me push, by pushing my knees. He actually caught the baby himself, and of course, cut the umbilical cord. I've never seen him so happy as he was the moment Zoey was born. It was incredible.

So now, here we are, new parents and pretending we know what we're doing. Zoey is an angel baby, and is very patient with us both. She is eating really well, and growing way too fast. It's only been a week but I can already see the difference. She is so beautiful-- and did I mention-- she has red hair! Red! Okay, well it's more like auburn, but when it's freshly washed and the light shines on it, there's no doubt it's red. It's funny because Gavin has always wished to have a red-head child, and even though I thought it was next to impossible, given our black hair, he got his wish! Happy birthday to him!

I love being a mommy. I love taking care of my adorable baby and providing for her every need. It's an amazing feeling. And it's wonderful to feel that, for now at least, our little family is complete.

Full Term

Well, tomorrow is my official due date.

(Deep breath)

It's been a long and interesting road. It feels like I've been pregnant for a year... or forever. Tomorrow I'll get checked again and discuss induction possibilities. I want to avoid an epidural, and I think I also want to avoid Pitocin, if I can. I'd rather let my body do what it's supposed to. On the other hand, my body seems pretty content to stay pregnant until late August or so, so I'm considering undergoing an AROM (artificial rupture of membranes) to get things going. I had my membranes stripped last week, and that didn't do anything. I'm not afraid of the painful contractions that can come from an AROM, since they are the same contractions I would have had if my water had broken on its own. However, I'll be discussing all that with one of the best midwives around tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be able to make an informed and deliberate decision about it... or maybe I can just go into labor today.

Not likely.

It's slightly frustrating to me, hearing all the advice from people, telling me I should do this or that to make myself go into labor. Been there. Tried that. I'm not going to do castor oil-- that's pretty selfish, as it can put the baby at a huge risk. But I've tried everything safe and "natural" several times, and I've come to understand that, for me at least, they aren't going to do anything. Zoey is just going to come when the time is right (which might be if/when we induce labor).

I'm starting to believe that people simply try different techniques, and then give whatever they did last before going into labor credit for getting the job done. The human body is a smart thing, and I think mine has its reasons for waiting. I don't like them very much, but I trust that it's for the best. I will deliver a nice, healthy, ready baby when the time is right.

Either that or I'll explode.

Still Intact

Well, tomorrow I am 38 weeks along, and still no Zoey! Needless to say, I made it to my baby shower just fine, and it was really nice. I have some amazing friends! I am overwhelmed by the generosity of so many people, and I am so grateful for the help. I know I would never have been able to afford half the things I got otherwise. Zoey is so spoiled already!

This Saturday I have a small family shower, and I'm sure it will also be fun. I am also sure I'll make it to that without any problem. After a two week break, my contractions are finally starting up again, but only just. I'm excited about the progress I'm making, even if it is small. I'm anxious to find out where the dilation is at on Thursday, but I don't expect it to be any more than a 2 or 3. (It was a 2 last week.) My dad said that maybe Zoey just needs a little extra time to finish developing, and I'm sure whatever it is, it's for the best. I do still get pretty impatient some days, but I am learning to be a little less of a control freak about it, and let nature take its course. (Wow, that sounded tree-huggerly!)

In the meantime, Gavin and I have been trying to make the most of the last weeks we have as a childless married couple. It's been fun (though a bit expensive!), and I'm sure we'll be glad we did it, once the baby comes and we have no time or energy left. :)

If nothing else, this waiting is causing me to appreciate what I will have; I don't think poopy diapers or incessant crying will bother me as much now. It's kind of like having to wait for Gavin while I was on my mission... I think the waiting made me appreciate him better in his entirety. I think it will be the same for Zoey. Some waiting develops a different kind of patience.

Positive Epiphany

Time to repent.

My last blog post wasn't very pleasant, and I'm sorry for being so pessimistic and self-centered. The other day I had an epiphany, and I am humbled now as I write, and I want to share some of my thoughts.

As I was walloing in my self pity and irritating all my friends and family with my complaining, I had a simple, yet powerful insight that knocked me off my pedastal and made me realize just how blessed I am. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, and to whom I am sealed for eternity. We are expecting a perfect, healthy baby-- something of a miracle, if you know my story. We are close to our family; we have wonderful friends. We live in a comfortable home, in a beautiful valley, in a free nation.

People often tell you to cherish every moment you have with your loved ones. During happy times like weddings and baby births, it's easy to remember and take that advice. The trick is to cherish even the poopy moments in life, and embrace what you have, even if it's causing you pain at the moment.

I have everything. I was selfish to think I was entitled to any more. Life is what you make it, and the level of happiness you experience is entirely your choice. Lesson learned. Again.

The Waiting Game

I'll keep this brief because I don't want to be a downer.

Contractions get to about 2 or 3 minutes apart these days, but always die down after I get some sleep. My whole body aches like I've got the flu, and my stomach is playing a convincing role as well. There's a baby head pushing my pelvic bones apart and making me pee so often I'm sore from using toilet paper. I can't sleep at night unless I take medicine. Worst of all, poor Gavin feels helpless to help me because, well, there's nothing he can do. It's raining outside and the sky is grey. I've been just praying to make it to my appointment. It's tomorrow. I'm banking on them checking my cervix for dilation, and I'm willing to bet I'm at least a 2.

Is it bad to pray for your water to break? I'm not quite to the point of the proverbial crochet hook, but I'm getting close. At this point I have only a little motivation to make it to my baby shower before the baby comes. After that though, I don't know what I'll do. Come on, Zoey!

35 weeks: Dura Mater

Sometimes it stinks being a first-time mom, because many people assume you don't know what you're doing. Often, they're right, but it doesn't make anyone feel good to be looked down on for lack of experience. Most of the time though, it's exciting. Each new development, be it funny, sweet, or even painful, is exciting. Each new experience is a sign of progress, and progress in pregnancy is a wonderful thing.

On Monday night I was having back-to-back (what I thought were Braxton Hicks) contractions, and my nurse midwife sent me in to the hospital to get checked. It turns out I was dilated to a 1, and 70% effaced. The baby's head was found at a station -2. Once my cervix was checked, labor contractions began to come regularly (though not too strong), so they gave me a drug to stop the contractions. It worked long enough for me to go home and fall asleep. At 2am the contractions started back up again, but they weren't as regular or as strong. The bleeding didn't stop for hours into the day, so I called in to ask how long it was normal to continue. The nurse I talked to advised me to come in to the clinic and made me an appointment. I reluctantly went in, but the nurse midwife didn't check me. She didn't seem to feel it necessary. Hoepfully the midwife I have next week will be willing to check. I'd really like to know if things have progressed at all!

What have I learned from all this? Well, it's always good to be sure you're not in labor. What else have I learned? Well, you're most likely not in labor anyway, and there's nothing they can do for you but give you drugs, so just stay home. I'll tough this one out until either my water breaks or contractions are so strong and close together I have no doubts at all. From here on out, I am dura mater: tough mother.

Bragging Rights

Well, yesterday was Mothers Day. Happy mothers day to all you great moms, and all that blah blah blah. But today I get to brag about my awesome husband, and how he celebrated mothers day. :)

To start off the day, he brought me breakfast in bed. It was french toast, but not just any old french toast. He pulled out my fancy cook book and found an actual recipe for it that was SO yummy. He made this huge stack and brought it to me in bed. Awesome? Of course. But then I was still tired and so we took a nap together, which happens to be one of my favorite passtimes.

After we were up and I was a bit more awake, Gavin shaved my legs for me. It was no easy task! He was terrified because I had a new razor blade and well, men don't know how to shave legs. Well, most men... we'll leave that there. Anyway, he did an awesome job, and even rubbed lotion in afterward! My legs haven't been this smooth since I've been able to see them without a mirror (months...)!

I went to get ready for church, and when I was halfway done, he popped into the bathroom with this plastic bag and said, "I thought I'd surprise you by giving you a present while you're still getting ready!" I was definitely surprised, as I thought he was already done, and I was not expecting that. It was a beautiful framed print of the Draper temple, where we were married. In the recent General Conference, the prophet counseled that we should put a picture of the temple in each of our children's bedrooms. I had mentioned that I wanted to do that, and he remembered!

At church, Gavin made sure I got one of the yummy truffles they were passing out, and he didn't laugh at me when I cried my eyes out at the primary musical number. (That always gets me, but it really hit me this time, carrying Zoey.) He carried my bag to my classroom for me and made sure I was comfortable before going to his own class.

Later in the day, we went to my grandma's house for dessert. He knows I love key lime pie and he snagged the very last slice, just for me!

Gavin is a sweet, thoughtful, and may I say-- romantic husband! What more could a woman want on a day like that? Boy did I luck out... but the very best part, is that almost all of this is normal behavior for him. He always treats me exceptionally well. I love my husband!

Is It Love?

How far would you go for the ones you love? What moral laws would you be willing to break? What covenants would you violate? What promises would you abandon?

The problem with "heroic"-though-immoral actions is that the would-be hero often fails to consider the lives of other people he might be damaging. He fails to consider the consequences outside of himself and the one he loves. So then, is it really love? In my mind, pure love does what is best for the person at hand without violating another person (especially uninvolved and without blame in the affair,) in the process. If a person gives someone he loves a gift, is that gift not tarnished if he stole it from someone else? Or is it all about the gift itself, and what he had to do to get it; or the apparent need for the gift, with no regard to other people involved?

From a recent encounter I have come to decide that a gift, if given at the expense of another, is no gift of love. It is a gift of thoughtlessnes and even selfishness. A gift that cannot be properly earned is no gift at all, but a demonstration of gratified pride.

I have seen someone wronged for these very reasons. I don't even like the person. But the wrong-doer, acting out of so-called love, did more damage to these people than good for the ones he loves. His actions were immoral; love should never be an excuse for the hurt of another, or I say that it is not love.

34 Weeks

I thought I'd break tradition and write a blog post not in the middle of the night. :)

Today marks 34 weeks of pregnancy, and I'm feeling more and more ready every day. I've cleaned the apartment, washed what baby clothes we have, packed the hospital bag almost entirely, and made Gavin help me clean out the last of the boxes cluttering Zoey's room. Now, it's time to twiddle my fingers and hope I go into labor early. It may be a bad thing that I'm so okay with early delivery, but I figure, with medical technology what it is, and my genes how they are, everything will be fine, and I'd get to be a mommy that much sooner.

This morning when I woke up, I was almost surprised to see that the bassinet beside my bed had no baby in it, and that my belly is as big as ever. Zoey's movements are so restricted, and I keep telling her that there's much more room to play in the outside world, if she'd just come on out! Well, all in good time. I'm sure she'll come at the right time, and not my time, and I'm okay with that too.

I hope I can be a good mom. With Mothers Day coming up, I have been thinking a lot about the shoes I have to fill. It won't be easy, I know that. But I'll do my best, and with Gavin by my side, I know it will be an awesome experience.

The House of God

Time for another insomnia blog!

Tonight Gaivn and I went to the temple together. I'm ashamed to say that it has been far too long since we've been there, but since General Conference (and President Monson's talk; read it on lds.org; it's called The Holy Temple--a Beacon to the World), we have made a new resolve to make temple attendance a high priority. He said,

"Those who understand the eternal blessings which come from the temple know that no sacrifice is too great, no price too heavy, no struggle too difficult in order to receive those blessings. There are never too many miles to travel, too many obstacles to overcome, or too much discomfort to endure... Make whatever sacrifices that are necessary to attend the temple."

Those words had a big impact on me. Although my husband and I have both received the ordinances for ourselves, we need to whatever it takes to continue to attend the temple. The gospel is all about eternal progression, and that starts now. I realized from President Monson's words that even though it may make an extra effort to get there, and although I may be extra uncomfortable (being exceptionally round in the middle), it's worth it. More than worth it.

President Monson is a prophet of God, and so of course he was absolutely right. The spirit alone that we both felt as we sat in the Lord's house made it all worth it over and over again, and I can't wait to go back. God's blessings are always worth our petty little sacrifices.

Two-Faced

It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep, so it's time for another rant!

By the way, let me be clear that I only intend to be funny, maybe a bit cynical, but these rants are usually nothing I dwell on... it's just fun to rant sometimes!

So the rant of the night: two-faced people. I'm talking about the ones (almost always women, BTW) who are all sweet and complimentary to your face and say nice things to you, but once you leave, tear you to pieces. Unfortunately, we live in a society in which it is taught that conflict with other people is wrong, and that saying anything negative about a person to their face is unacceptable. But saying it behind their back is okay? Apparently.

If you've read my previous posts (or know me at all) you know that I whole-heartedly disagree with this. I value genuinity in people very highly, and I believe that honesty is the only way to build healthy relationships. Now of course, there are some things (even if they are true) which are better left unsaid, but that applies both to the face and behind the back. Leave it alone.

But if you really need to say something negative to a person, think it through, get it out tactfully and constructively, only once and never again. Once you've said what you need to say, stop there. It's that simple. Most mature people will appreciate your openness and honesty, and will appreciate it even more that your criticism is limited to those occasional incidents and isn't repeated when you're not around.

True, it takes a lot of guts to approach someone and talk to them about the issues you have with them. But believe me, it eliminates the bigger issue of having things stretched out over a long period of time, blown out of proportion and given the potential to ruin trust, and ultimately, friendships. So buck up, speak up and then let it go.

Testing

I'm trying to figure out why my blog is being retarded, so I'm writing a quick test blog to see if I can figure out what's going on, and hopefully make my future posts more legible.

We're in the last week of school, and that is so nice! Next week is finals week, and then we'll be free until the end of June, when Gavin starts his Calc III class. Yikes!

We're getting a stationary exercise bike today. We've been shopping for one for a couple weeks and found a used one for a very good price. I just hope we both use it! I know I will.

I'm getting excited for my upcoming baby showers! I feel so spoiled. I already have almost everything I need for Zoey, and it's so exciting to think she'll be using it all soon!

One more month, I think. Maybe 6 weeks. :)

Midnight Vent

It's midnight, and I should be asleep. I'm working in the cadaver lab tomorrow morning and I'll be on my feet the entire time. So as I wait for my (ahem) Unisom to kick in, I'll vent about the silly incident that happened today. If you don't want to listen to it, skip it. I won't be offended. :) We have new neighbors who recently moved into our complex. There is assigned parking in our little lot, and the first week or so, they kept parking in our spot (which happens to be the closest to the complex), sometimes overnight. It wouldn't normally have bugged me much, but I do happen to be 7 months pregnant, and the closer I can park, the better! However, we were patient with it, seeing how they were new and probably unaware of the assigned parking thing. The last time they parked in our spot, the apartment manager actually called us on the phone to ask whose car it was. We said we weren't sure, but thought it was probably the new people. It never happened again. We never complained about it, but I was glad to have our spot back. My younger brother and his wife are in town, and they decided to stop by to visit us. They parked in some random spot and we figured it was no big deal for a couple hours. We saw some neighbors double park their own car and asked them if they'd like us to move my brother's car. They shrugged it off and so we left and firgured it could wait a couple hours. We went out to dinner nearby, and when we got back, we got a call from the apartment manager asking about my brother's car. He said the other renters were all upset about their spot being taken (for a whole hour) and could we please have the car moved, and could we please make sure our guests know they can't park there, etc. Well, they were on their way out the door anyway, and so I told him. They moved the car-- problem solved. Was that so bad? Whiny, hypocritical neighbors bother me. That's pretty much all. Good night.

Hippie-Birthing

Once again, the blog isn't letting me put spaces between paragraphs for some odd reason. Sorry about that. So, I've mentioned before that despite years of being weirded out by the concept, I've decided to try out hypnobirthing. Well, I got the home teaching guide thing, and let me just say one thing:

Flower power, yo.

Wow. The concepts are sound. The physiology is accurate. The psychology is realistic. The writer needs to be fired. Right now. I'm sorry, but I am a very logically-minded person, and when I hear terms like "happy place" and "bubble of peace" used in connection with things I'm supposed to do, and surrounded in layers of overly-italicized and bolded words, I shut off. I'm sorry, but there's no such physiologic mechanism called "bubble of peace", and no logical connection in my mind with "happy place". However, I'm determined to glean the principles I'm learning from this stuff and gain all I can. The fact is, hypnobirthing is quite effective when practiced well, and as several reliable health care professionals have told me, most moms who use it don't need anesthetic. There's got to be something to that. The mind is a powerful thing, and I do believe that if taught correct princliples, it can overcome things as tangible as physical pain (within reason). So, I've decided to pick apart the manual, get an understanding of the concepts, and then translate them into something I can understand, respect and apply. I'll let you know how it goes. So far I've taken over 40 pages of fluff, condensed it and translated it into nine coherant principles that I can definitely work with. Who knows, maybe this will someday revolutionalize the way that scientifically-minded women view birthing. For now though, I'm just looking forward to my own successful labor and delivery. Peace out.

31 Weeks

Yes, I am definitely beginning to understand better why women get impatient at the end of pregnancy. It's midnight and I wish I was asleep. I'm exhausted, but the combination of kicking baby, expanding rib cage, painfully dry throat and achey joints makes sleep something of an achievement. It's hard not to resort to taking something to help me fall asleep, but I don't want to hurt the baby, and I know if I do take something (albeit safe) I won't wake up until noon tomorrow--not that that's a huge deal; I'd just rather be awake for most of the day.

Poor Ariel is 8 weeks ahead of me, and she's been on the brink of labor for 3 days now. Her contractions are pretty consistent, but she's just not dilating. To make matters worse, AJ will only be in town until the first of May, so the sooner that baby comes, the better.

I can't yet imagine what it must feel like to be in labor, or even to have a real contraction. My occasional Braxton Hicks hardly count for anything at all, and I have to admit that it's a little daunting, thinking about what the real thing will be like. I know I'll be fine; I'm sure things will go the way they're supposed to... that only makes me feel mostly better though.

Zoey's room is almost done now. We just need to get rid of a few boxes and wash her tiny clothes, but that part will have to wait until her baby showers are done. I love sitting in her room and just looking around, taking it all in. It still feels a little like playing house, but it's becoming more and more real every day:

I'm going to be a mommy. Very soon.

11 Weeks and Counting

For some reason my blog isn't letting me post individual paragraphs, so here you have it, all in one solid block: I'm starting to see a little bit why pregnant women say the last trimester goes so slowly. I always had thought that it was because they were impatient to see and hold their new baby. Although that is part of it, it's due a lot to the fact that you become extremely uncomfortable in the last few months! Over night, Zoey turned from transverse (where she had been for at least a couple months) to head-down, and what a huge change that has been. My belly had stretched to accomodate her as she grew, laying sideways, but it feels that it hadn't stretched vertically much, and now I'm having to catch up. For those of you who are a little slow on the uptake, I am very short-waisted. This means that the baby's bum and legs are now pushing up into my diaphragm, making it hard to breathe and especially to digest. I have indigestion and esophageal pain almost constantly, and I get winded doing the simplest things. I feel like an old lady! However, I don't want you to think that this is a "woe is me" post, because I don't mean it to be. I am really fascinated by all the physiology of this, and although it's not fun, it's definitely interesting. I'm learning so much, and it's exciting to me. I'm grateful to be able to sacrifice for my little one, because it helps me learn to lover her before she's even born. So am I anxious for time to go faster? No, not really. I'm still scared stiff about becoming a parent (though I would never go back, even if I could), and I'll take every day I can get to prepare. Parenthood is no temporary project. It's forever. The only other commitment I've made with a person lasting that long was with Gavin, and at least I got to get to know him first! Although people everywhere seem to think, upon looking at me, that I am "ready to pop", I still have at least two months left. Every day is exciting, and I'll take all that I can handle.

Home Stretch

Yesterday marks the beginning of the third trimester for me and I am thrilled/amazed/excited/terrified/happy!

It seems that now, time is beginning to slow down a bit which is both a relief and a source of impatience. I definitely don't feel prepared yet (who does??), but I am really excited to meet my cute little baby.

Today we had our 28 week check-up and everything looked (and sounded) great. She measured my belly and told me it was perfect. :) From here on out I'll have appointments every two weeks. At 36 weeks, it will change to every week.

I've been feeling Zoey's kicks stronger and stronger every week, and it's so fun. She loves her daddy and always responds to his voice and his touch. I think she will be a daddy's girl. He has no idea what he's in for.

The nursery is coming along nicely now, and it seems all we need are a few clothes and some toiletries and we're all set! We have a registry put together and a couple baby showers coming up in May. I'm so spoiled! People become so generous when you have life changes like this. It's awesome to see.

I'm excited for the semester to end. Only a month left and I'll have a nice break from school. Well, hopefully not too long. I want to try and go back in the fall. I'm just worried about my credits expiring if I don't use them.

Random blog today. Life is good. There you have it.

Eat Pi

*GASP* How could I forget??

For all you nerds out there, happy pi day! Today, my family is getting together to eat lots and lots of scrumptious.... dessert. :)

Bloggy Blogger

So when I started my new job, I kind of thought that it would take away from my desire to keep up my own blog. I wasn't sure I'd want to do that much typing, or spend that much time on the computer any more. Thank goodness, my fears were relieved when I got my first key prompt:

Prostate implant.

Wow. So I wrote that one up pretty quick, and it gave me a good laugh. I learned a lot about something I hope I never have to know anything about. So thank you, male part prompt, for making me still want to express myself on my own blog. I'm saved!

New Job

Well, I recently received a job offer to write blogs as a "freelance writer", so I might not be writing on this much. I might get sick of writing blogs after awhile. Then again, on my blog I can write about whatever I want. On theirs, I write about whatever they want. I guess we'll see.

Today I am 26 weeks pregnant. I went in to take my glucose screening, and next week I'll go in for another Rhogam shot. Hopefully everything comes back okay. So far, this has been a perfect pregnancy, and I am optimistic that things will continue to go well.

Last weekend I helped make my very first diaper cake. It was made out of cloth diapers, no less. I think it turned out very cute. It's encouraging. I may be making more in the future. Too bad diapers are so expensive though....

The sun is setting on the second trimester now, and I am getting so tired. Zoey is getting stronger though, and her kicks are so hard that they are actually visible now. I love my baby, and I am excited to see her in a couple months.

Well, that's it... signing out for now. Wish me luck in my new writing job!

Soccer Mom

Well, I'm just about 24 weeks along now, and according to babycenter.com, my uterus is about the size of a soccer ball. That amazes me. I figured it would get to be about that big eventually, but sheesh-- already?? I guess that explains a lot though. :)

Today I have a quick rant about pregnancy and weight gain. Here it is: If you are pregnant, your body knows what it needs. It will put on the amount of weight needed to grow a healthy baby. If you're too vain to accept this, and insist on doing what you can to prevent the appropriate weight gain, you are not prepared to be a parent. Obviously it's important to be smart about it, and not go to either extreme on the scale of pregnancy weight. Women who either gain too much or not enough weight put their baby at great rist. Just be smart, forget about yourself and your vanity, and prepare to work it off when the right time comes. Don't be selfish.

I can talk, because according to all the weight gain charts, I'm right on target! XP

5 Months

Just a quick update for the sake of updates. Yesterday I hit my 5 month mark in pregnancy! I'm very excited that things are going so well and that we've made it this far. I've only gained about 5 lbs since before I was pregnant, but my belly has gained about 12 inches! (Not to mention the stuff above that...) I feel pretty good, and baby Zoey is as active as ever. I love feeling her kick. In fact, a few days ago, Gavin was able to feel a nice clear kick for the first time! He had felt little bumps here and there, but nothing that definite.

Apparently, our baby is the size of a spaghetti squash. Not a very helpful reference if you don't happen to buy a lot of spaghetti squash, so I converted it. Zoey is now roughly the size of a glass tumbler or a typical flashlight. That's pretty big! The weiredest thing of all to think about it that she could be born in two weeks and surivive just fine. That's nuts! Sometimes it can't come fast enough. Others, I freak out a little and wonder what I've got us into. All in all though, life is great.

Babies, Babies, Babies!

It makes sense that now that I'm pregnant, babies are popping up everywhere. For one thing, it's the big thing of my age group to have babies. For another, it's simply all I think about, so I'm bound to notice it more in others too.

As I type, my sister in-law is in labor with her second baby. I feel sorry for her-- it's been a long road to delivery, and an exhausting one too, I'm sure. I pray that I will get my mom's short-and-minimal-pain delievery genes. I guess we'll see. But no matter how difficult and long the labor is, it's always worth it when you get to hold that little one for the first time. There's just nothing quite like it. That is priceless.

Another sister in-law of mine is due in April, and yet another one is due two weeks after me. A good friend of mine in the ward delievered her first baby last week, and another friend of mine delivered twins just a couple weeks before that. Two of my close friends recently announced their pregnancy, and several others have been pregnant for a few months. Sometimes in all the excitement, I forget that I am pregnant too! And then I try to stand up...

Having babies is an amazing experience in so many ways. It's not all flowers and sunshine, but that's part of what makes it so awesome. It's those things that make you grow and learn and come closer to God that are truly a wonderful experience, and I think parenting does exactly those things.

It's sad to me when couples put off parenting just because they don't feel like it at the moment, and they are too busy "having fun" to make room in their lives for a family. It astonishes me how much people believe having kids will burden them down and make life less enjoyable. It's a load of junk, and an obvious tactic of the adversary. Of course he doesn't want you to have kids. He wants you to focus only on yourself, to never progress (the definition of damnation) and remain narrow-minded. And it works, too. The longer people put it off, the harder it becomes to make the jump. People become stuck in their habits, they become afraid of change, and besides that, they are at a higher risk of birth defects. Not only that, but think of how old they will be by the time the first kid graduates high school! I for one, want to be able to keep up with my kids-- all of them. So yeah, maybe it means that we will be poor for a long time. Maybe it means it's time for us to grow up just a little more. Maybe it means our house will never be clean again. But it also means that we will be happy. I'll take happy any day over money and tidiness.

HypnoBirthing

Apparently I'm not a very open-minded person when it comes to labor and delivery. I don't believe that herbal remedies help at all, except for the useful placebo effect, which doesn't work on anyone well-educated or skeptical. I think having a baby anywhere besides in a hospital bed is weird (and in many cases, stupid). I don't frown down upon women who opt to have epidurals or c-sections, and I think in most cases, the only people who can really help you have a successful delivery are the health care professionals, your husband (if he's up to it) and maybe your mom, if you're close to her. Other than that, it's all in your head, and as useful as psyching yourself out may be, it can only go so far.

I know, I'm no expert. I've never had a baby. But this is me: I have my opinions.

However, I am beginning to branch out a little, and I've been learning a little about HynoBirthing. The first time I heard about it, it was from my best friend in high school, and she knew I'd probably reject the idea even then. I did, but I didn't forget about it. She later told me that her sister had delivered a baby virtually pain-free using this method and I was impressed. You can't fake that. Later still, I met a girl in my respectable anatomy class who was pregnant and taking HypnoBirthing classes. She told me about what kinds of things she had been learning and the general concepts and explanied that all it is, is working with your body's muscular system (instead of against it) and learning not to freak out-- a major source of physical pain. She told me about it in terms that we use in anatomy, and in a way that made logical sense. In other words, nothing about auras or herbs or the Spirit or anything else. Straight physiology. That I can understand. So since then I've been contemplating trying it out for myself.

So what's the cheapest way I can go about this? I found a class for $175. Ouch. It was the cheapest one I could find. 5 sessions of 2 1/2 hours. It includes a book and technique CDs and stuff. It's convincing, too. The testimonials were cool and the lady who runs it seems really down-to-earth. None of this hokey business. Now we just have to see if we can use our FSA on it. If so, I might be back on here in a few weeks telling you all about my first lesson...

It's a Girl!

So, Gavin and I went in for our ultrasound yesterday. My mom came with us and it was all very exciting. The tech triple-checked that we do want to know the gender of the baby, and then went almost right to it! She pointed out the very clearly defined *ahem* girl parts and, surprise! It's not a boy. I have to admit that I feel really stupid for thinking it was a boy all along. I don't understand why everyone else could predict it, but not me. Actually, I'm a little miffed about all the "I-told-you-so"s. Put yourself in my shoes, people! Anyway, I guess I don't count when they say that most women know the gender of their baby. Oh well. It's a girl, and I'm excited. Assuming certain people don't insist on reminding me that my prediction was wrong, we'll all just forget it eventually.

But now the hard part: naming her. I am a strong believer that names are important, and that puts a lot of pressure on us! I've come up with a top three, but there are probelms with each one. Our top pick, for instance, Zoey, is also a favorite with my sister in-law, who is conveniently due two weeks after me, and has the same last name. We both agreed that niether of us care if they have the same name (she'll just spell hers differently), but I'm still going to wait and see what they're having before I start calling my bump Zoey. (Please be a boy, please be a boy!)

We've got our crib and I spent two weeks scrubbing it down. It's nice and sturdy, and despite the fact that it has a drop-side, it was never actually recalled, so that's a relief. My belly is getting bigger and bigger all the time, and I can feel my wiggley baby doing the hokey pokey almost daily now. From what I could tell on the ultrasound, she's stinkin' adorable! Well, duh-- look at her parents! ;)

Twinky Baby

So now that I'm openly pregnant, there's not much more for me to talk about than that. Yes, I'm going back to school this semester. Yes, I still have family and friends and callings and stuff, but I'm a little obsessed at the moment. :)

Ponyo is now about the size of a Twinky, or for those against the food comparisons, about the size of a computer mouse. I've been beginning to feel it move, though not often, and I can only feel it when I really pay attention. It spazzed out the other day when I sneezed seven consecutive times. That was cool. Sitting around with Katie and Ariel, both very pregnant, it's been an awesome holiday break, talking about our crazy experiences, feeling each other's babies move (except mine), lounging in funny positions because everything hurts. We've never related to each other so well!

Two more weeks until we find out the gender of our baby, or at least try. I'm so excited! Gavin and I kind of think it's a boy, and we have our reasons, but I won't be at all surprised or disappointed if it's a girl. By they way, my toddler niece, Lily says it's a boy. :) I guess we'll see, one way or another.