I Miss Ballet

I began dancing when I was three years old. It was nothing serious, just some little basement studio for little girls to run around in. When I was almost six, my family moved to Orem, and when I was seven, a new studio opened up. I was one of the first students to sign up. After five years I began dancing en pointe. I loved it. I was never the best in the class, but I did well, and I learned discipline and passion. Ballet was the only way I could really express myself. When I was fifteen, I peaked in my ability. I remember it so well. I could do just about anything I wanted to. Any move, any trick. Not perfectly, but well enough for a stage. I remember that last performance. I danced my heart out and didn't make a mistake. I performed to the audience like I owned the stage and there was nothing anyone wanted to look at more than me. That fall I was diagnosed with endometriosis and had to quit ballet. It was too intense and I couldn't keep up with the physical demands, and my parents couldn't keep up with the insane tuition. I pacified myself for a few years by doing ballroom, but it was never the same. Over time, I lost my physique and my strength, but I never lost my love for ballet. Even still, I dance in my dreams. I dance in the kitchen, in the grocery store, anywhere with a slick floor. My heart never forgot how, and I don't suppose I'll ever stop missing it. I wish so deeply that I could do those things again, that I could express myself the way I used to be able to, with music running through my veins. Someday maybe I'll find a studio that will accept me, and I can work up to a reasonable level for my age, but I know I'll never again be what I was. I miss ballet so much.